BDSM Basics

BDSM 101 – The Basics

August 24, 2019

BASIC BDSM TERMINOLOGY

 

What is BDSM?

BDSM is an acronym that stands for; bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism, respectively.

Bondage the state of being a slave, a sexual practice that involves the tying up or restraining of one partner

Discipline – the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience

Dominance – power and influence over others

Submission – the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person

Sadism – the tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others

Masochism – the tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from one’s own pain or humiliation.

 

Who is Involved in BDSM?

Those who practice BDSM practices usually go by different titles or names based on their role in the relationship or encounter. It is considered rude to not address a superior by their title unless you know them on a “first name” basis. The examples below are NOT fetish specific. See below for some common fetish specific titles.

Common Titles for Dominants

  • Dom / Domme
  • Master
  • Goddess
  • Princess
  • Mistress
  • Miss
  • Madame
  • Queen
  • Empress

Common Titles for Submissives

  • Submissive / sub / subby
  • Slave
  • Pet

As for what type of people enjoy BDSM, there really are no limits to that. While BDSM may not be for everybody, it can be for anybody who is willing to learn about it.

What Makes the Foundation of a Good BDSM Experience?

  • Communication
  • Informed Consent (PRICK / RACK)
  • Trust
  • RESPECT

There is so much more to it than that… Subscribe to My posts to see more about what I have learned so far about BDSM!

Safety is of Utmost Importance

There are a lot of things that people get up to in BDSM that involves the pushing of boundaries, physical harm, the list of risks goes on and on. Nothing in life is without risk, but there are certain ideals that many in the BDSM community abide by to keep everyone “safe.”

RACK VS SSC

RACK

  • Risk-Aware: Both or all partners are well-informed of the risks involved in the proposed activity.
  • Consensual: In light of those risks, both or all partners have, of sound mind, offered preliminary consent to engage in said activity.
  • Kink: Said activity can be classified as alternative sexual activity

SSC

  • Safe: Attempts should be made to identify and prevent risks to health
  • Sane: Activities should be undertaken in a sane and sensible frame of mind
  • Consensual: All activities should involve the full consent of all parties involved

There is no “safe” or “not safe” within RACK, only “safer” and “less safe.” RACK guidelines are more prominent than SSC in the BDSM community. This means that I am a provider; I have provided this wealth of information for you to learn about yourself and your own boundaries. I have more than done My part, the rest is up to you. You need to acknowledge that there is a risk involved with this, even if it is occurring only online.

While “Safe, Sane and Consensual” (SSC) tries to describe and differentiate BDSM from abuse in ways that are easy for those of the “vanilla” world to comprehend, RACK goes one step further and acknowledges that nothing is ever 100% safe. What may be safe or sane to one person may not be considered safe and sane to another; the RACK philosophy tends to be more inclusive of activities that others may consider to be unsafe.

PRICK

  • Personal Responsibility: both the partners are responsible for their own actions
  • Informed: both the partners are informed about potential risks of the engagement
  • Consensual: both the partners are consenting to the engagement after being informed of the risks
  • Kink: Said activity can be classified as alternative sexual activity

This is VERY similar to RACK, except it puts more risk/control into the hands of the bottom, as it is up to them to determine if they want to engage in the services that the practitioner offers. I am aware of My limits, potential risks involved, and the extent of My responsibility to a bottom, are you?

How Many Cs are in BDSM?

These are some other easy to remember ways to ensure that both (or more) parties are being as considerate to one another as possible.

CCC (Long Term – Submissives)

  • Committed: the bottom is exclusively serving the top in the best way s/he can
  • Compassionate: the top and bottom have a bond they share
  • Consensual: both the partners are consenting to the relationship

CCC is, for all intents and purposes, is usually applied to the maximum power exchange from the bottom to top, and is more appropriate for TPE (Total Power Exchange) or longer-term BDSM relationships, rather than the session activities with professionals or short term interactions. In this instance, instead of the bottom’s desires and required activities being defined, only ‘Unwanted’ and ‘Undesired’ activities are identified. In another sense, only the ‘Hard Limits’ of the involved parties are discussed. The Dom then decides everything else for the bottom. This is the true FLR and applies to submissives seeking full-time submission to one Domme. The Domme is then in charge of ensuring the health and safety of their sub. Safety words are often not used in TPEs, and the will of the Domme is the law to the sub, no matter what. These types of relationships are rare.

CCCC (Short Term – Fetishists / Submissives)

  • Caring: both parties RESPECT each other and engage in a caring way, so as to build trust.
  • Communication: people have different types of limits, and these limits may change depending on variables like time, current situation and mood, exposure to certain activities, who they are playing with, and so forth. Communication is important before, during, and after a session.
  • Consent: both partners are consenting to the engagement
  • Caution: both partners are fully aware of ALL potential risks involved, especially the risks involved in engaging in more “extreme” or “hardcore” fetishes with a partner that you do not know well, or necessarily trust yet.

The four Cs are the more evolved, and less extreme form of the three Cs.

There are different definitions, versions, and explanations of these terms that you will find around the internet and community, these were just the explanations that I found to be easiest to understand and apply.

What You Should Remember

All of these terms are strongly interwoven, but what it means is that even for one who prefers to just engage in occasional sessions with a Domme, these guidelines should be abided by in order to have successful sessions. Even in short term sessions, if some baseline of trust and respect is not established, the session will not be fulfilling. Or possibly won’t occur at all if either player feels that they cannot trust the other.

I Myself have no issue cutting off communication with any individual who does NOT abide by these above guidelines when attempting to interact with Me. There are plenty of kinky people in the wide wide world of the internet, if either a sub or a domme is not operating within these guidelines, you won’t have to look far to find one who does.

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  1. Thank You very much Miss Nikki for creating this article, clearly and simply explaining what the various terms that are part of BDSM mean and what is involved in developing various types of D/s relationships and how to make sure to properly communicate limits and boundaries to remain safe and as happy as possible.

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